Posted by: 4pack | August 1, 2008

James Bond 007 “Literary” Fitness: Very Civilized

007 Keeping Fit





Your full early-morning routine consists of:

   20 slow press-ups, done lingeringly

As many straight-leg lifts in the supine position as will make your stomach muscles scream.

Enough arm and chest exercises and deep breathing to make you dizzy.

20 toe-touchings

A very hot shower followed by a five-minute cold one. Sometimes you keep your eyes open under this . This will probably make them bloodshot and can be used as an excuse after a more than usually conscientious fulfillment of your drink programme.

Then shave, if you can.

Don’t, of course, actually do any of this unless you’ve recently had a check-up, except shave. Darko Kerim once said that there were certain exercises which those who wish to make love should do , but he was killed by a Russian agent before he could pass them on.  Just as well, perhaps


With training, you can swim a mile and run back along the beach [LALD 17], swim two miles without tiring [DN 7].

Underwater, you soon learned not to fight the sea but always to give and take with the currents and eddies, to use judo tactics in the water [LALD 17].

You’ve never known fish to attack unless there was blood in the water [LALD 16]. Sharks can be frightened off by shouting underwater [LALD 18]. You’ve made barracudas retreat just by swimming towards them [LALD 17]. You find the spines of the sea-egg far more troublesome [LALD 18].

You rarely kill fish except to eat, apart from big moray eels and all the members of the scorpion-fish family [FYEO 5]. You admit to once having killed a sting ray, because it looked so extraordinarily evil. You use a French underwater harpoon gun called ‘Champion’ [LALD 16].

You’re not a bad sea-bed diver [YOLT 14], having brought up ten awabi (Japanese clams) your first try.





Your training was from the old Hannes Schneider School at St Anton in the Arlberg [OHMSS 12]. You got pretty good and won your golden K, but techniques and equipment have advanced since, and you admit charmingly that you’re no longer a Kanone (star). Your favourite skis: Anything in the Master’s category [OHMSS 15], provided it has the Attenhofer Flex forward release and the Marker lateral release.

Your favourite figure: The sprung-Christina [OHMSS 16], showy, not easy at speed. Old Fuchs at the Hannes Schneider was very keen on it.

Your excuse for not skiing much now: You were rather put off by an experience with an avalanche [OHMSS 17]. Add meaningly, “A man-made one.” Alternatively, “Skiing’s a short-lived sport. The effect on the frame is shattering.” [G 3]


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